Summer
by Lilyyunqi
Summary: When I said I won't be looking forward to summer for a little while, I thought I meant it. But I was wrong.
1. The Beginning of Summer

_**Author Note: this is my first attempt at Fanfic, and i know there is much improvement that needs to be made, so please, everyone, send me some reviews and help me out. Lily**_

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When I said I won't be looking forward to summer for a little while, I thought I meant it. But I was wrong.

It is summer again; yet despite everything that happened, my heart can't help but leap when I stepped out of the station in to the blazing sun. It was a hot day, not a single cloud overhead. In the distance, I can see the lush green forest that was said to be the home to monsters, spirits and Yammgami, the mountain god. and Gin…

Every night, I close my eyes and see him. Gin, the boy who is neither a monster nor a human. He stood with his back facing me. After years of following him around, I can recognise his back anywhere. I call out his name as he turns around; he smiles and opens his arms. I stood there hesitating, to him, the touch of humans is fatal, causing him to disappear and fade at the smallest touch. The same time, green sparkles rise from the tips of his fingers as he begins to disappear. 'Come Hotaru!', he said with a smile, opening his arms wide as I crush into him, clinging to him as if my life depended on it. 'Gin! No!' he disappeared in my arms as until all that's left are the green sparkles slowing rising into the air. I feel salty tears run down my cheeks, as I crash to the ground. Each night I wake up sobbing and crying, tears staining my pillows as I cry into them.

Days past like a blur for me, not the speed of the passing time, but more of the fact that I am just unable to focus on each passing day. Don't get me wrong, I do well in school and pass all of my tests, but lately, I have started to catch myself staring out of the windows more and more, with his name on my lips. I guess that's why my parents was so eager to sent me to my grandpa's place, for me to get some fresh air and become the lively girl I once was.

But things have changed, Gin was gone, forever. And with him the happy memories of our summers spent in the forest. I still recall each moment of our time together however short and fleeting they are, but nothing could be compared with the brief memories that brings a smile to my lips every now and then. Not even the sharp pang of sorrow that stab me each time the memory is gone.

'Let's Go!'


	2. Chapter 2

Grandpa's house is just like I remembered, a large one story traditional Japanese structure, with slanted roof and wooden floor. The gate was unlocked, so I quietly let myself in. the house is quiet despite the noise of the forest in the background. Grandpa is just like I remembered, spiky gray hair, warm brown eyes framed with strong eye brows, with wrinkles from years of work and experience. He stood on the veranda with his back to me, turning around upon hearing the bang of the gate, he beckoned me over.

'Hotaru, welcome. I got watermelons come and eat.' He said, gesturing to the tea table behind him.'

Dropping my bags next to me, I settled down on the other side of the tea table and picked up a slice. The watermelon is just like I remembered, sweet and cool, and grandpa is the same, eating the watermelon just like he always did, shooting the seeds out at the end of each gulp. Sitting there with him, is almost as if nothing happened, brought a smile to my lips.

'Hotaru, you should smile more. Your mother seems worried about you. They say you seem to be distracted and said all the time, are you alright?' grandpa must have been talking to mother on the phone. 'I'm fine really, don't worry.' I quickly replied, forcing a smile. But really, how could I be when gin is gone. 'Well, now that you're here, might as well get unpacked and settle in. You can't wait to go to the forest, am I right?' hearing the word 'forest', I looked up unconsciously. The gentle slops of the hills rise up, forming a V-shaped valley, dense vegetation painting the hills into a dark green colour. 'Oh, yeah…' surprised that grandpa was aware of my love for the forest. 'You know, I used to think that you were met someone there.' Forcing a fake laugh, I quickly changed the topic before things get too awkward. After some chit-chat, I excused myself and went to unpack.

That night, the same dream returned. Once again, I woke up with tears streaming down my face, sobbing quietly into the pillow to avoid waking up my grandparents, but through my quiet sobs, I can distinctly hear his voice in my head. Gentle and soft like it has always been, saying over and over again in my mind.

'Come to the forest, Hotaru, come and find me…'

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**Author's note: Sorry for not updating for such a long time, I was really stuck on the plot line (and still is...) sorry again for the very short chapter, and hopefully I'll think up something soon. Thanks for the waiting and please let me know what you think. Sorry again for the delay.**


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I woke up with millions of thoughts and emotions twirling in and out of my mind. The only thought that remained consistent in the mess known as my mind was Gin.

The voice I heard last night ringed loud and clear through the tempest of emotions, which did nothing to drown it out. It was Gin's voice, soft, gentle and tinged with sorrow, a voice that I can recognize anywhere, a voice along with its owner that had been unconsciously tattooed into my mind. A voice I could never forget no matter what happened. A voice as familiar to me as my own. It echoed again and again, through the chaotic inner tumult:' Come to the forest, Hotaru, come and find me…'

I dressed and got ready for breakfast in a daze and walked distractedly to the dining room where my grandparents were waiting. After mumbling a quick good morning, I took my place opposite grandma, with grandpa at the head of the table. I was unfocused all through the meal, poking at the food with my chopstick, while staring listlessly at the plate. In the end, I only ate a little, my grandparents must have noticed my weird behavior, because they kept shooting worried glances towards me, but in the end they kept quiet about it, and didn't ask any questions. I felt bad about making them worry about me, but my mind can't help but keep returning to those words that keeps repeating over and over again in my head like a broken recorder.

The silence of the dining room started to change from comfortable to depressing, unable to stand it anymore, I laid down my chopsticks and took the utensils to the kitchen, while my grandparents looked at me worried. I quickly apologized and excused myself. Grandpa opened his mouth as if to say something, but he quickly closed it, nodded his head to grant me leave.

Without realizing, I was running down the dirt road that leads to the entrance of the forest of the mountain god, yamagami. A place where I've spent countless summers in the company of Gin. Soon, the stone torii of the forest entrance came into view.

Four moss covered stone steps leaded to the equally moss covered stone torii, bleached white by the sun, with a pair of stone lanterns standing guard on either side. Behind the Torii, a path of stone stretched towards the distant horizon, stone lanterns lined the path at regular interval, like sentinels guarding the entrance to the sacred forest.

Standing at the foot of the steps, I could almost imagine Gin leaning against the stone lantern or sitting on the steps of the torii waiting for me, like he always did, each and every summer, without fail. Tears rolled down my cheeks, through blurry eyes, for a split second I saw him standing there like he always had. The dog-like mask over his face, wearing the same white shirt over the red tee, hands stuffed in the pocket of his dark colored trousers, completed with a pair of clogs on his foot. It was so real, almost like he was never gone, forgetting myself for a moment, I rushed forward, only to have the image shimmer and fade before my eyes.

It was that moment, did the realization finally set in, Gin was gone. until then, a part of me have always thought that no matter what happens, Gin will always be there on the steps of the torii waiting for me, that all this was just a dream, and I'll be spending another summer contend and happy in the shade of the forest with him.

I was just about to turn around and walk home, ready to believe that last night's voice was merely a fragment of my imagination caused by my overwhelming desire to see him, the most incredible thing happened. Once again, I heard gin's voice whisper in my mind: 'come on, Hotaru, Yamagami-Sama is waiting for you.'

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**Author Note: So sorry about not updating in a very long time. A big thank you to all those who reviewed this story, put it in their favourite and those who has it on their alert. Thank you for sticking with it and please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

For a moment I stood there unsure if I imagined his voice or was it really real, before a gentle summer breeze wafted past me, tugging at the hem of the pale pink sun dress I was wearing. The same color and design as the one I was wearing when we first met almost 10 years ago. The breeze blew past me down the stone pathway, stirring fallen leaves and carrying them in its wake. The breeze stopped a few hundred meters ahead of me, lazily twirling the leaves that it had picked up while dancing around the stone lantern next to the path as if waiting for me to follow.

Tentatively, I took a few steps forward, standing under the looming torii. For the first time in so many years I felt scared, scared of what lies ahead of me once I step through in to the forest, knowing that Gin will not be there for me this time. The breeze had picked up its face, circling the lantern with new found speed, as if anxious for me to get going. I took a deep breath, remembering what Gin told me before about monsters 'they transform to scare humans, but they are actually good creatures.' with that I stepped through the torii into the sacred forest.

The breeze led me further and further into the forest, to a part I have never been to. The trees there are much older than else where in the forest, standing high and straight towards the sky, each trunk so thick that even the thinnest one needs at least three people to go around it. The forest floor is a thick carpet of fallen leaves, thick and soft beneath my shoes, crunching with each step I took. The forest has gotten darker and cooler now, the thick foliage of the trees over lapped with each other until it blocked out the sky. Little patches of sunlight stream through the leafy canopy above dotting the floor. A cool breeze whistle past me, leaving me shivering in my thin sun dress which did nothing to keep me warm. It was then I realized the quietness of the forest around me. Gone are the monotonous drone of the cicadas that I have grown to associate with the forest, instead replaced by the soft crunching of leaves beneath my foot and the almost eerie sound of wind rushing through the leaves above my head. I hate to admit it but I was terrified. Terrified knowing I am on myself in an unfamiliar part of the forest where monsters and spirits reside. Terrified knowing Gin wouldn't be able to be here to protect me if any thing should happen. And the thought of Yamagami wanting to meet me did nothing to lighten my fears.

For a second, it was almost too much for me, as panic rose up my throat. I could turn and run, ignore whatever Gin's voice had said in my mind and the breeze that is currently a few meters a head, by blaming them as illusions created by my over active imagination. I mean who in their right mind follows a breeze and hear things that weren't meant to be heard. I stood there fidgeting with the hem of my dress wondering what I should do. My common sense to turn around and run home, but the soft and gentle voice of Gin held me in place, the longing for him deep in my heart told me to keep going and my curiosity did nothing with to help my rational side. Hugging myself tighter, I followed the breeze deeper into the forest.

Slowly, the forest opened up in front of me until I reached a clearing, it was a perfect circle in the middle of the forest stood the thickest tree I have ever seen. It was huge, larger than any tree in the forest, its trunk was so thick that it needs at least 10 people to go around it. The crown of the tree reaches high into the sky, dwarfing the other trees, branches opening wide over the clearing creating a circle of shade over the grassy floor of the clearing. The trunk was gnarled and ancient, lines and knobs etched into it to bear witness to the years that the tree has lived trough. The sight of the ancient tree standing majestically in the centre of the clearing, struck something within me, I needed no reassurance to know that I have reached the centre of the forest - home of the mountain god.

**Author's Note: Sorry for the long pause, school is starting soon and things have started to get busy. Anyway, thank you for sticking with the story and if you have anything to say (question, advice, just anything...) feel free to let me know.**


	5. Chapter 5

Looking around, I realized that the whispering breeze that brought me here was gone. The clearing a head was strangely quiet. Nothing stirred, not even a leaf or a blade of grass. it was midday, the loudest time in a forest like this, the chirping of thousands of birds were expected along with the high pitch drone of cicadas and crickets, but there was no sound at all. Only the loud thumping of my heart in my ear and the soft crunching of grass under my feet. However strange the silent stillness was, it was not the eerie, tension filled quiet before a violent storm, but rather the silent that is only found in a site so sacred that any noise or movement that disturbed it would be an act of blasphemy. It like the profound serenity found at a holy shrine, dignified and lofty without demanding it. It was a tranquillity that makes you think that time itself has stopped to honour it.

Carefully, I walked out of the canopy of the forest into the clearing. The sun was directly overhead, shinning brightly, casting a circle of shadow around the giant tree. I caught a movement in the right hand corner of my vision, wiping my head to the left, I saw a red oil skin umbrella appear on the fringe of the forest, my common sense told me that it is impossible to see a old fashion umbrella to simply appear, but the other part quickly told me that it was simply a spirit. As I watched, more and more umbrellas appeared silently around the edge of the clearing, and behind them other bigger spirits are starting to gather. All of them facing the direction of the giant tree.

Taking a few more tentative steps forward, until I was half way to the tree, a voice rang through the clearing, the voice was timeless and ageless and at the same time genderless, it was loud but gentle. There was one thing that was impossible to miss is that it was the voice of a person who held immense power in their hands and knows exactly how powerful they are. 'I have been waiting for you, Hotaru Takegawa.' I looked around searching for the direction of the voice, but the voice seems to come from every where in the clearing. Unsure of what to do, I headed towards the most likely place the giant trees. Once again the clearing have gone quiet, I could hear the soft crunch of grass under my foot painfully loud, not to mention the frantic hammering of my heart. Yes, I might have seen my share of magical being thanks to my time with Gin, but if the voice was anything to judge by, then nothing would ever been able to prepare me for the meeting with the mountain god.

Slowly, I approached the tree, stopping a few meters from its enormous trunk. The sunlight filtered through the leaves, creating an interesting play of light and shadows on the floor. Unsure of what to do, I stopped there for a  
few moments, debating whether I should continue walking until I touched the trunk or if I should just stay where I am and wait respectfully for the mountain god to reveal himself.

I barely had time to step back when someone landed in front of me from the tree. Stumbling back in shock, I caught myself just as I was about to fall. Timidly, I peered at the person in front of me. But nothing, no matter how accustomed to the strange appearances of spirits, I was not prepared for the shock I was about to receive as he straightening himself.  
"Nice to finally meet you, Hotaru."

**Author Note: so so so so sorry for the long wait, Year 12 is super busy. sorry! Oh, and please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I am So SORRY, Sixth-form life is much busier than I thought, with all the college talk, meetings and all the other stuff to worry about. Enough rambling, I'll not make this any longer.**

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Yamagami-sama was nothing like I have expected. Instead of the old man with wrinkled face, dropping eyes, a sweeping beard and an air befitted that of an all powerful mountain god. Nothing prepared me for what stood in front of me.

The first thing that crossed my mind was that he was young, roughly Gin's age. Tousled blue hair tinged with silver, and the same colored eyes dressed in a white Yukata with a blue belt. standing bare footed before me, he was as tall as the tree, but the most spectacular thing about him was not his size, but the pair of snow white wings behind his back, radiating a soft glow around his body. For a moment, I didn't know what to do, despite all my years with Gin in the forest, I have not met many humanoid Youkais, but I have learnt not to judge by appearance. Even though he appeared to be young, he could be as old as the forest for all I know. Not sure what to do, I stood. There like a gaping idiot, gawking at him with wide eyes. With a barely suppressed chuckle, he spoke 'It is nice to finally meet you, Hotaru. Gin had told me many things about you.' he's voice was no longer the booming one that rang through the forest minutes ago, but light and gentle, like a summer breeze, yet underneath all the cheerfulness, is a quiet undertone of power.

Then a blaze of blinding silver light engulfed him completely, forcing me to close my eyes. When I opened them again, he was no longer the giant that towered over me, but rather a more normal height. He was about the same height as Gin, if not a little taller. 'Now that's much better.' he spoke quietly chuckling to himself.

'So, like I was saying, it's nice meeting you.' he grinned mischievously, tilting his head to the right, watching my stunned expression. Flushing as I remembered myself and quickly close my mouth, not knowing what to do, I did the first thing that came into my mind. Bowing deeply, I quickly sought out an appropriate reply. 'Yamagami-Sama, It...it is an honour too meet you.' 'No need for such stiffness. Treat me like you would a friend. After all, any friend of Gin's is a friend of mine.' 'Gin!' the name pulled me out of my daze and embarrassment of meeting the all-powerful mountain god, I started with a yelp as I suddenly remembered why I am here in the first place. 'Gin! I heard his voice, Gin's voice. I swear I am not imagining it.' I begun frantically, waving my hands and willing the young deity to understand something, I myself, is struggling to understand. 'I heard him... his voice calling to me. I...I can't explain it, it...it is too real to be a dream. And... And just now I... I heard him again; it was ... it was almost like... he was right here beside me. I don't know how to describe it, it was almost like he has never... never...' my voice broke, as I stifled a sob and furiously wiped away the tears rolling down my cheeks. It felt as if my throat constricted, making me unable to say the word out loud. 'There, there Hotaru. It's Okay.' 'How can you say it is Ok! Gin is dead, DEAD! How is that ever ok! I thought you loved him too!' I screamed at him temporarily forgetting that I was actually addressing an omnipotent god.

'Dead? What do you mean, Hotaru?' He asked me after a moment of silence. 'What do you think I mean! He died, right in front of me, I saw him break off into a million little pieces. I saw him die...' the memory was too painful. until today, I have never said it out loud, even though I know full well it is the truth, but some part of me still think if I never admit to it, it might simply cease to be true. Now that I said it out loud, it seems that I finally came to terms with the painful fact, Gin is gone, forever.

An agonizing silence followed, where I desperately tried to pull myself together and stop the tears that falls endlessly. Admitting that Gin has died was like watching him die all over again. It felt almost as if someone has cut open the still fresh wound again and making it bleed a new. Only this time more painfully and with a much sharper knife, delving into the barely closed wound and enlarging it ruthlessly.

'Hotaru, listen to me, look at me.' I turned away stubbornly, with my hand covering my face. He waited for a few seconds, seeing no reaction he sighed and took my hands away from my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. He looked into my eyes with those timeless blue eyes flecked with silver, stared into me, as if reading my every thought.

Then he said something that took my very breath away.

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**Author Note: Once again super sorry for the long wait and a huge thank you to all those who reviewed, sorry I didn't get to reply them. The reviews were wonderful, people! I really appreciate it! Hope you liked the chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

'Hotaru, Gin never died!'

'What?!' the word rushed out of my mouth with a breath that I didn't know I was holding, as my legs buckled. 'That... that's...its not possible, I saw him, he... he was right in front of me... I was... it can't be true. I watched him die with my own eyes. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you lying? It's nearly killed me on the inside when I watched him die, now you are here, lying and telling me he is still alive. Who do you think you are?!'

'Hotaru please, calm down. Please, listen to me.'

'No. you listen. I don't care if you are a god, but you have no right. No right, to mess with me like this!'

Pounding the ground beneath me as I watched tears drip in to the grass, just to be immediately soaked up by the soil. quickly like a wind wiped through me, my anger left me in a rush, leaving a hollow and despairing sorrow, like a black hole sucking all other emotions away, until all that's left is an all consuming emptiness and a persistent pain in my heart.

Tears now fell unrestricted, like a river bursting its dam. I tightened my fist in the grass clenching onto them in a desperate effort to control myself. I will not show any weakness, not in front of this shameless thing who has dared to give me with false hope.

I don't know how long I spent kneeling on the ground with him watching me. Slowly, the tears begun to stop, and my heart become numbed once again. I push my self off the grass, my legs weak after kneeling for so long. I wobble and lost my balance, as my body pitched forward. Too tired and numb to care, I allow myself to fall, not bothering to catch myself or breaking the fall, not even bothered to brace myself for the pain.

The world tilts as the ground rushes up to meet me; I felt the sharp pain of the crush and felt my vision turn black momentarily. but I did not feel the pain reach me the way it normally do, stinging and persistent, it is as if I was watching this happen to someone else. I wanted to feel it, the sudden unprepared pain from the fall, but I am too drained and empty to feel anything except a growing emptiness that is eating me alive on the inside. I picked myself up again, walking again on my shaking legs, almost waiting and wanting the pain of the fall that will soon follow, but I'll never feel.

I staggered forward and felt my right foot slip, I launched forward with the momentum, closing my eyes as I waited and wished for the jarring pain that I am sure will come with the collision. Anything, please. Joy, anger, sorrow even pain. Just anything to dull the emptiness that is about to devour me whole. I could feel the rush of air on my face, and knew that the impact will be soon.

But it never came.


	8. Chapter 8

A gust of cool summer air lifted me up, supporting me for a second before lowering me gently on the soft grass. It lingered around me, lifting my hair as it wafts past, blowing away my tears. the cool summer air mixed with the fresh smell of wild flowers breezes through the air, it circles around me, stirring the grass around me as I stand, always so close, yet never touching. I reach out a hand to feel the breeze, but as soon as I think I could almost feel it, it is gone. It blows past me again, each time I think I could feel the cool breeze on my face it is gone. It's this feeling that you know you want to touch it, feel it, let it embrace you, at you know you will never be able to. Because somehow you know once you reach it, it will be lost to you forever.

'Just like Gin...'

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop it. For a second, the air stopped moving, and then the breeze was there again, reaching out to me again and again, yet never quite touching. I reached my arms out, trying to feel it on my skin, the gentle, lingering touch of the calming breeze, but it is always so close, while at the same time so far out of reach. Close enough to touch him and feel him, yet forbidden to do so.

'Just like Gin...'

Just like Gin.

'Hotaru? Are you alright?' Yamagami-sama's voice broke me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw him looking at me with worried evident in his eyes. Mutely, I nodded, not feeling like speaking after the outburst.

'Will you let me explain now?' He seemed unconvinced by my nod. The worry could be clearly heard in his voice. Dropping my eyes to the floor, I felt the shame from the tantrum I threw catch up with me. I could feel him watching me, waiting for a signal for him to continue. The silence stretched out for a while, before I wordlessly nodded again.

The breeze blows past, stirring the leaves on the great tree, carrying some leaves in its wake. They swirl through the air, circling nearby, lifting and flapping the hem of Yamagami's snow white yukata, before blowing away again. All the while never touching me, like I am in a personal vacuum where everything stays still.

My eyes followed the single leaf as it dances in the air lifting and dropping with each breath of the summer breeze. Yamagami watched me, waiting for the perfect time to start, knowing he will not get anything else from me, he sighed and begun.

'Gin probably told you about himself, how he was left in the forest as a baby and raised amongst the youkais that live in this forest. And you know about the spell I put on him to keep him alive'

Silently, I nodded my head, not quite sure why he is telling me all this.

'When the Youkais found him, he was a baby, barely a week old, crying his lungs out for the heartless parents that left him to die. We thought to return him, but none of us are able to leave the forest, and no human would willingly come anywhere near it. You know what it would mean for Gin, right?'

Yamagami looked at me searching my face for an answer. I knew too well, the chances of him, a helpless baby, surviving in the forest is next none.

Seeing that I understood, he continued on once again. 'But he was such a sweet baby, laughing fearlessly with the youkais as they tirelessly entertained him with the mask. That moment, my heart went out to him, just like every youkai in the forest. I wanted for him to live and enjoy life like he was supposed to, he doesn't deserve to die.'

'There is no way to escape death, nor is it possible to bring back what has died. They are the rules of nature, nothing can break them, not even I. I wanted Gin to live, so I found the loophole in the rules and did the only thing within my power - I remade Gin.'

'Loophole...? Remade Gin...?' my confusion was evident, 'what do you mean?' Yamagami-sama must have been expecting it, for he gently smiled and went on to explain.

'The rule does not allow me to prevent Gin from dying, but it does not stop me from doing other things to prolong his life. So, I did just that. My power alone is not enough to do this, but a person's body holds an enormous amount of power. With the powers I had and the ones I channelled from Gin's body, I was able to turn Gin into a Youkai.'

I have always known Gin was not truly human, but I have never expected this. I was not afraid, nor was I appalled, but simply surprised. Yamagami must have sensed it. He paused and waited while I digested what I just heard.

'But Gin was human. Therefore, it is impossible to make him a true youkai. But because the spell used up most of the power in his body, which means that Gin will be left with no body to contain his soul. So, my spell worked by giving him a body, a substantial form to contain his soul. This rendered Gin's presence in this world to that of a ghost, insubstantial and fleeting, yet at the same time, unable to truly pass on to the other life.'

There was a brief pause, as Yamagami stopped and looked down at me, once again waiting for me to understand. truthfully, the whole thing is very confusing, like pieces of jigsaw puzzles, spinning and turning in my head, refusing to piece together to show me the bigger picture. Ignoring it, I nodded Yamagami, signalling him to continue.

'Like Gin has told you, body maintained by spells is very fragile; any contact with human skin will make it fall apart. We wanted to stay with him forever, so we warned him many times to stay away from people for the fear of the inevitable, and Gin heeded our advices. But when Gin met you, we knew something has changed.'

'but what does all this has to with Gin being alive?' the puzzle pieces are moving quicker now, pieces linking and falling into place, but there is still something missing, a piece that will join everything together.

'Hotaru, I think you know the answer.'

I thought back to that night, and once more I watched the little shards of glowing green, like the colour of the firefly's light in on a summer night, rising up from his fingertips in my mind. Then the last piece fell into place and the picture was revealed. The revelation hit me, a realization that reignited the put out hope inside of me once more

'Gin... his body is gone, but his soul...'

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**Author Note: Hi, tomorrow is Christmas so I am uploading this as a Christmas present for everyone who has stuck with me and the story this year. thank you very much, you guys mean a lot to me. thank you for all those who reviewed, sorry I didn't get to reply, I was so busy but I really appreciate them.**

**Merry Christmas!**


	9. Chapter 9

It was an exhilarating feeling, watching as the key piece of the jigsaw fell into place, the big picture spreads out in front of me. Yamagami's explanation finally making sense, the big picture showed me one thing: there is still hope. Gin is not truly gone, his soul is out there somewhere and what I saw that night was simply the disintegration of his body, so if I follow Yamagami's line of logic, there is hope, but the question is, how to make it happen.

'So, Gin's soul is somewhere, but his body is gone, if we find his soul, then he could come back, right?'

'Then what are we waiting for? We have to find him and bring him back!' I didn't mean for my tone to sound so harsh and demanding, but the lack of expression on the Yamagami's face and his ambiguous reply is getting to me.  
'Why are you just standing there? This is gin we are talking about! There is a chance for him to come back, and all we need to do is to find his soul! So why are you just standing there! You are the mountain god, for god sake!'

Already, I have started toward the edge of the clearing, intending to start searching as soon as possible. Looking back, the mountain god hasn't moved a muscle, standing underneath the great tree like a statue. There is a stillness about him that is only achievable by gods.

'Please, help me? If you are not helping, at lease tell me how I can find them, please! Yamagami Sama, please. I am begging you, please, tell me how, I need to find them!' turning around, I begged him, willing him to understand my need to find Gin again.

But, there was only silence. A maddening silence that seems to stretches on forever.

'Hotaru stop.'

Stop! Is that all he is going to tell me? Then somewhere in me snapped.

'I thought you were his friend, I though you would do anything for him, I thought you'd want him back as much as I do! And all you tell me is 'stop'! Well, I guess I thought wrong!'

I don't know what I was thinking that moment when I burst out screaming and raging at the mountain god. But it was too much to bear, simply too much. The feeling of helplessness, the feeling that I am unable to do anything even if I want to, the feeling that I am just a human girl, was too much. While he, an all mighty mountain god stands and tells me to stop. I must have lost it then, I wasn't sure what I was trying to achieve by yelling and shouting, a reaction perhaps, or a different answer to my questions, but one thing I was sure, I hated that feeling of helplessness, I hated feeling useless. That moment I felt for the first time just how powerless I am in Gin's world.

Still he remained silent, the wind slightly stirring the hem of his Yukata, he's face tilts towards the sky, seeming to be watching something in the distant. Knowing that he will not be helping, I turned around and once again headed towards the forest. Just as I stepped into the shadow of the forest, his voice reached me, faint like a whisper carried on the wind.

'I have.'

'What did you just say?' I turned around sharply, not sure if I heard the two words or imagined them, my hair wiping my face painfully in the process. Yamagami still stood motionless, face turned towards the sky, not a hint that he spoke them. Slowly, I walked towards him, back to the giant tree, all the while keeping my eyes on him, hoping for a clue as to whether I have just become delusional. When I was a meter or so away, he turned around slowly, graceful like a cat, bowing his head slightly to fix me with his silvery blue eyes, cold and hard like icicles outside the windows.

'I have.'

This time there was no mistake. Two words and that was all I needed. Gin is coming back! But there was something that prevented me from my happiness, it was Yamagami's eyes. There was something different about him, something dark and frightening in his cold icicle eyes. Something to be feared. Unconsciously, I took a step back.

'Who do you think you are to say that I don't care? Who are you to say that when you only exists in a blink of his life, a life where I have been all along, a life that I have helped to create!'

I took another step back. The rage in Yamagami's eyes is like a brewing tropical storm, violent and destructive. His eyes were solely focused on me, the power and anger in them is hard to withstand, I tried to look away, but the electric blue of his eyes held it in place. Without thinking, I started to retreat, wishing to get out of his terrifying presence. He must have sensed because for every backward step I took, he took another forward, yet all the while having his eyes fixed on me.

'Gin has lived for near two centuries with me, and you were only in his life for the short summer months of less a decade, what makes you think that you are better than me? Let's try and remember that I am a mountain god, and you are a helpless, useless human girl, shall we? You are nothing compared to me, nothing!'

An unnamed anger sparked up in me. I maybe useless and helpless, but I was never ever nothing.

'How dare you call me nothing? I am far from nothing; I gave Gin human company after 2 centuries of living amongst Youkais, something you weren't able to provide. I gave him happiness, he was happy when he was with me, he laughed and smiled like a normal person with me, did you ever realise how beautiful that rare small smile of his is? Most of all, I made him feel human again! You may have given him his life, but it is me who showed him the joy of being a normal person. And Gin... Gin loved me, you know, he loves me. And I love him too, from the first time I met him, how could you call that nothing! It was much more than what you could have done!'

'And it was because of you that Gin disappeared.'

Yamagami's soft voice cute across, straight into the part of me that have stubbornly tried to forget how Gin disappeared that night.

He was right. It was all my fault, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise. I was me, if I haven't gone with him to the festival, he wouldn't have touched the kids. If I never went back to thank him all those years ago, if I haven't gotten lost in the forest, if I never disobeyed grandpa and ventured into the Forest in the first place, Gin would still be here...

'If you weren't useful to what is to come, I wouldn't have tolerated you for so long.'

His quiet words reached me through the eerily calm clearing.

'Useful? What do you mean?'

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Author's Note: Happy Chinese New Year! Please leave a review as a New Year present!


	10. Chapter 10

'Useful? What do you mean?'

Confusion must have been all over my face, as I watched the mountain god, whose face was smooth like marble betraying no hint of emotion.

'Exactly that, in fact very useful.' the calmness contrasted greatly with the raw anger just a few moments ago.

'You are precisely what I need to bring Gin back. You are the power that I need.'

'Power?' I replied dumbly, head spinning trying to figure out just what he meant by this. Last time I checked, I am an ordinary girl with nothing special, the only extraordinary that happened to me was Gin. Now that he is gone, I can't think of anything that can set me apart from the millions of other girls out there.

'What power?' I asked, prompting him to answer. A sly smile tugged at the corner of his lips, adding an almost cruel edge to his inhumanely beautiful face.

'Like I have said before, human body is an imminence store of power. Before you came I had no power to be able to bring Gin back, but with you here, everything is about to change.'

It was then it drawn on me that I am the power that he needed. I am what is needed to bring Gin back, with the power that I have inside of me, Yamagami could work his magic and gin would be with me once again. Oh how I would give anything to see him and hear his voice again.

'I understand. But where is Gin's soul? You said you found it.'

'Indeed, I have.'

'But where is it?'

He held out his hand, gracefully, palm up towards me. At first there was nothing, and then a breeze started, whishing through the clearing from the forest around, circling towards where we are standing. Quickly, the breeze picked up its speed as it headed towards his up turned palm, my hair wept around my face, blocking my eyes, forcing me to shut them momentarily. The breeze quickly died down, I opened my eyes again, brushing strands of hair from my face, in contrast, the mountain god seems as collected as ever, not a single hair out of place.

It was then I realized that above his palm floats small glowing orb of green, the same color as the sparkles that Gin turned into on that summer night. It was small, surprisingly small, no larger than a tennis ball. As I watched, it flared up and changed shape like the flame of a candle in the wind.

'Is that...' I took a step forward without thinking, hands reaching towards the little orb. He must have sensed my intension, because he gently placed it into my out stretched hand. It was a peculiar feeling, holding Gin's soul in my hands. It was warm, and pulsing, like a living thing. I watched as it flares in my palm, amazed and in awe of how beautiful Gin's soul is and how surreal this all seems. Here I was, thinking I would never get to see him again, and now, I am holding his very soul in my palm and being told that I am what is needed to bring back. Not that I have any souls before, but I can't help but wonder if this tiny little orb is could really be all of his soul.

Once again, Yamagami sensed my thought before I even voice it.

'It is not all of it'

My head snapped up and looked at him in confusion.

'But, you said...'

'This is only half of his soul. The rest is inside of you.'

'Inside of me... how is that possible?'

'Think back to the day Gin disappeared, you held him when it happened, right?'

'Yes, but...'

'When his soul started to scatter, the little pieces will look for a vessel to contain them. That vessel can be anything, anyone. You were the closest to him, so most of the pieces entered into your body.'

'I heard his voice last night and today when I stood in front of the torii, telling me to come. Is that because of the pieces inside of me? But how come I never heard it before?'

'Parts of a soul does not have a voice, it is only possible when all the pieces are together, which is why you weren't able to hear him before. Sensing that you were nearby and all the pieces are finally about to join together, I gave it my powers to the half of the soul inside of you and allowed it to call to you. When you were at the torii, I released the half that was with me so that they may lead you to me.'

'So you are saying that all this time a part of Gin was with me. And the breeze that led he here... was that Gin?'

Calmly he nodded, inclining his head ever so slightly. Without thinking I closed my hands over Gin's soul and pulled it towards me. I felt the drumming of the little orb slowly fell into place with the drumming of my heart, feeling the warmth of it slowly seeping into me. I closed my eyes, I allow myself to give into the calming feeling that I have always associated with Gin. His soul felt like the florescent glow of a firefly, not bright and warm like the sun, but comforting and reassuring. And that is what Gin was like, protecting me, constantly by my side. With him, I was fearless, because I knew that he will always be with me, my personal guiding star in the unknown world of Yokais, chasing away the dark with its ever present glow. He may have constantly berated himself for his inability to truly help, but for me, his mere presence was more than enough to chase away any fear I had.

I felt the orb pulse strengthen in my palm, pulling my hand away from me, I peered at the little orb. The orb's glowing grew steadily stronger with each pulsing, spinning in the air above my cupped palms. It slowly started shift, becoming less orb-like and more like a little flame as it danced in the air. Then a glow appeared where my heart is, I looked down, stunned by the sight, the light grew brighter and bigger in rhythm with the Gin's soul. It grew in intensity until it enveloping me with its light to a point I was forced to close my eyes. Even through closed lids, I could still see the glow of the strange light.

The next second, without warning, the light was gone. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes, the light just now leaving a glare in my eyes, forcing me to blink a few times before truly able to make out what is in front of me.

In front of me, stood a man in his late teen. Messy silver hair swaying lightly in the breeze, a simple gray yukata, tied loosely around his lean form, just like how I remembered. His face serene and calm, not a day older than I last saw him. He opened his arms towards me, lips curved into the heart warming smile I always loved and treasured. The sound of his voice was gentle like the summer breeze:

'Hotaru…'

I felt weak and faint as all the emotions that have been bottled up inside of me since that fateful night escaped in a rush. Tears streamed down my face, but I didn't care. For that moment, nothing in the world mattered, as I rushed towards him.

'Gin…'

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A/N: Once again sorry for the delay, Sixth-form is a pain with the exams and essays. I apologise in advance as this will be my last update before my AS exams finish. Doing well in my exams means a lot to me, so please try to understand. A million sorries.

As always, I hope you like this chapter and hope you are not too mad to leave a review.

Love

-L


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